What Tesla Motors might have in store for Charging and Voice Commands

Guest Post: Kris Kitchen, Founder at Qleon Research; Editor's note: although it's hard to predict what's coming from Tesla Motors, one of our EVannex VIPs recently sent us some prescient predictions relative to the new snake-like charging apparatus and his satirical take on the future possibilities for Tesla voice command technology.

Tesla Charging Capability

Why could Tesla Motors prototype "snake" be a game-changer? If you have not seen Tesla Motors prototype snake charger you should check it out (see below).

This is going to be short and to the point. Let me lay down what this is for:

1. It will be used at Tesla Superchargers.

2. This is the fix for those people abusing Tesla Superchargers (locals).

3. Once your car is charged this machine will undock.

4. Your Tesla will then auto park itself in a spot that is not used for charging. 

5. A car that is parked somewhere near, and in queue, will drive itself to the supercharger and this machine will start the cycle again. 

This is how the future works. 

Tesla Voice Command Capability

Tesla Motors makes one of the safest cars in the Known Universe. This is a fact. That does not (however) mean they cannot be improved. In short I wrote up a diagram of how the voice controls could work. Anything that takes your eyes off the road could (and should) be controlled with your voice. 

Image above: © 2015 Kris Kitchen

Voice commands should control: music, suspension settings, steering settings, economy settings, range mode, driver profiles and Ludicrous mode.

Meet Jarvis...

"Jarvis, LudaKris mode please"


And, last... a friendly warning: NSFW (some "adult" language here)... but, if you want to take a look, here is my Diagram in pdf form.